How to Mom

It’s a common question when you have a kid: how do I do this? But being a mom is a piece of cake. Don’t believe me? Well, I’m here to tell you exactly what it takes to be an amazing mom.

Burn the Family Dinner

This is best done at the end of a long day when everyone is really hungry. Bonus points if it was someone’s favorite dish and the fire alarm went off.

Stain Your Shirt

How you stain it doesn’t really matter. But, I do suggest baby spit-up or spaghetti sauce. They have a long-lasting effect and can be pretty obvious on you new cashmere sweater.

Be Late to Everything

Aim to be at least 15 minutes late (at a minimum) for everything. Begin getting ready for your scheduled engagement an hour early so as to give the illusion that you may actually be on time.

Take Awful Photos

No matter how many times you tell your kids to sit still, take the photo just as they move. This creates a nice blurry effect that not even your fancy blogger friends could replicate.

Forget Your Kid

This can either be in a crowded place like a grocery store or a lonely venue such as a park after soccer practice. Either way, the key is to make it as emotionally scarring as possible.

Give Sticky Kisses

The best kisses are sticky, slobbery, and at the end of a hard, mom-filled day. They help you remember why your house is messy and the dinner is burned. These are best paired with squeaky giggles and tight hugs. Bonus points if you get an “I love you.”

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